What do I know?
Umm... not so much, apparently.

I know nothing about technology. I am not KIP from Napoleon Dynamite, you see. I do not love technology. Always and forever.

Well, people who must be reading this somewhere, sometime, in some place, I call upon you now. IF there is anyone out there who can very SIMPLY explain to this technologically challenged idiot about how to post some photos to this lovely site, you will be rewarded by seeing the lovely photos of me as a vampire and my friends as drunks!!! (I mean, really simple, straightforward, CLEAR and concise. As in "Do this now. And then this, Etc..") It will be worth it, I swear!

And speaking of swearing, it's been a two full days since I began trying to figure out how to put my photos on this site, so....

hurry up (please, and thanks) at janeh928@yahoo.com

Get this party started....

6 p.m.--I go over to boyfriend's best friend's house to help get ready for party.
We go to Wal-Mart to buy supplies and I spend the next hour and 45 minutes frantically chopping vegetables and laying down carpet protectors.
7:45 p.m.--My roommate shows up, we go upstairs to put on our costumes. I am a very sexy vampire, with a black velvet dress and fishnet stockings, fake purple and silver eyelashes and all. BUT, the teeth, the little vampire teeth in their own miniature casket I bought (actually, the boyfirend bought), WILL NOT STICK TO MY TEETH!! Arggh! Lumberjack is a TALL fairy with wings and a blonde wig.
8:15--Everyone has arrived, is downstairs, sans-costumes--all of them. I am hiding in upstairs bathroom, calling boyfriend on cell, "Where the hell are you?" I scream in distress. "Are you wearing a costume? Cause I'm upstairs, dressed like a damn vampire and all the OTHER girls here are in jeans, little tops and heels. And I don't know anyone. NOT COOL!"
Boyfriend is dressed up, as a skeleton/death Lord, or something. He's late b/c he was asked to go to the store and get some alcohol for shots.
8:30--Boyfriend saves me from upstairs bathroom. We look down on all the haters who didn't dress up.
The rest of the evening is spent:
1. Drinking lots of beer. Actually, I only had 2, the lots of drinking was mainly done by everyone but me, boyfriend, and the Lumberjack. I'm small, he's korean (and therefore, smallish) and she's a conservative who doesn't believe in alcohol.
2. Defending boyfriend from crowds of guests who do not like his singing (APPARENTLY HE LOVES karaoke. Had I known this before... oh, who cares. I'm dating a dork, but what do you expect. At least I've got a boyfriend, and that's more than I can usually say.)
3. Saving my camera from giant drunk man going around capturing all the ladies' low rise jeans/ass crack photo opportunities he could.
4. Getting wrestled to the ground by the Lumberjack in front of a crowd of drunk guys (definitely didn't expect to find myself suspended in the air, upside down, but there I was!)
5. Cleaning up spilled purple Kool-Aid in the kitchen, mud in the living room and alcohol in the dining room.
6. Dancing, dancing, dancing---did I mention one of our guests is employed as an exotic dancer?? SHE USED MY BOYFRIEND'S BELT TO BEAT THE BUM OF ANOTHER MALE GUEST. It was an interesting time.
Photos on the way!

we were out 'til 5 a.m. at janeh928@yahoo.com

So nice...


My brother, 15-year old giant that he is, called on Friday to see if I would hang out with him on Saturday. I said I couldn't because I was going to my boyfriend's Halloween party and he said, "OOH, I'm Jane. I'm going to a party. I'm too busy to hang out with my little brother, I'm so cool."
AND HUNG UP.
Yeah, what-ever. Whatever to you, you string bean.
But then, I felt bad.
So, on Sunday, I called to see if he wanted to go out to dinner with me, anywhere he wanted, and he (drum roll) already had plans with friends!
Yeah, that's right. "Hi, I'm Jane's little brother. I'm going to a friend's house. I'm too busy to hang out with my big sister, I'm so cool."
So, again, whatever to you. You gangle-dorf.
(MORE ABOUT THE HALLOWEEN PARTY LATER--KARAOKE WAS INVOLVED. and alcohol.)

too cool for school, and my little brother at janeh928@yahoo.com

I just thought you'd like to know....

I'M STARVING!!!!!

when will work ever end so i can go to quiznos? at janeh928@yahoo.com

No more black nail polish!


One good thing about finding a boy who will put up with you is that your vehicle also prospers from his attentions.
Someone scraped my black car in the parking lot at the mall, with their white car. YUCK! Anyway, I come out with my shopping bags, see my car, and immediately am impressed by the sheer expanse of the white scrape on my front bumper. It is huge! I can see that much of it will come off just by scraping with my fingernail, but am running late, so decide to leave it for later.
At the boyfriend's (yes, I said BOY-FRIEND!!) house just a little while later, we come out and he sees my car. It was as if we had walked out to find his best friend lying in the driveway, run over. He gasps, drops to his knees in front of my vehicle and starts examining the details of "the damage."
"What did you DO when you saw this?!" he asks me, wiping tears from his eyes and stroking the car as if it was hurting.
"Umm, I scratched at it with my fingernail, said "Crap" and forgot about it, really. What should I have done?"
"Well, I would have at least dropped the F-bomb. But I can fix this for you. We need to buff it out, there will be a couple of deeper scratches we can't get rid of..."
"That's all right."
"No. It's not, but there's not much you can do about it."
"I have some black nail pol--"
"ABSOLUTELY NOT."
Okay then. My car is now going to get used to being treated like a real vehicle. He better not break up with me, now that he's gone and gotten the car all attached to him and all!

when you're done with the car, i could use a good rubdown too at janeh928@yahoo.com

I am a slob...

And my new guy is N.O.T. His apartment is spotless. Immaculate. UNTouCHed. He told me not to look in his sink--I did anyway. There were exactly three cups in there, barely dirty. I don't know what the big deal was.

MY place is not spotless. not immaculate. N.O.T. untouched. I have a jumbly, cluttery, nesting kind of place, with treasures like magazine photos and old jewelry from lovers-no-more stuffed among my t-shirts and undergarments. I don't do the dishes immediately, and there is often cat-hair on the sofa. You can usually find the book I'm reading, a pile of half-written stories or poems and some magazines plopped beside my bed, and often, you might sit on a pen if you aren't careful. I am a very organic sort of person.

Will opposites truly attract??? He's afraid that I'll use a word he can't understand. I'm afraid he'll open my closet!

more to discover at janeh928@yahoo.com

Blind Date Pt. 2

Is it crazy to initially think someone is boring/not worth your time/has bad taste in movies, then, suddenly go on 7 dates in one week and change your opinion about that person to sweet/hard worker/VERY good kisser????
Well, that's what's happened to me. And it's been great. We went to our county festival on Saturday night, and in the process walked past a church that my sisters and I swore was haunted and inhabited by vampires when we were little, and he MADE ME GO LOOK IN THE WINDOW, and THERE WERE PEOPLE WALKING AROUND and IT WAS NIGHTTIME!!!! I screamed and ran away and he laughed. What were those weirdos doing in church at nighttime?? Preparing sacrificial goats is my guess.
He's decided I need to learn to play pool with him and his friends. I HATE pool, though. I know, it's ridiculous to think that a girl like me, with my pink high heels and manicured nails and general distaste for cheap beer would NOT know how to play pool. But the truth is, I suck. I am awful. I was so awful, in fact, that a total look of disbelief crossed his face everytime I made a shot, though he tried to hide his embarassment at my complete lack-of-any-skill-whatsover performance! He kept saying, "That's okay, you're learning," as if he had to keep reminding himself of the fact. If he were any older, he probably would have had a blood vessel visibly pounding at his temple. But, all in all, he was a very patient lad, and he promised to take me to play again, this time, with string to teach me about angles. How sweet! Maybe I'll teach him how to spell and how to appreciate movies that don't have plot lines centered on a gun fight and main characters uttering such profound statements as "I'm looking for a transporter," "You've come to the right place." ANYWAY, I've definitely got to come up with an excuse for never having to play pool again. Maybe carpel-tunnel syndrome? OR I could fall from a tree and break my arm?

Also, look forward to hearing about a sure-to-create-some-type-of-disaster event when I go to his best friend's Halloween party at the end of this month. Can't wait.

who knew you save the little black ball for last? at janeh928@yahoo.com

Sometimes, I can even impress myself!

So, I watched one episode of INXS Rockstar, and totally said J.D. would win. I just knew it. And, hello?!, he did! So there, sisters who think I am not cool. I picked the Rockstar. I am cool, but also, very, VERY lame. (p.s.--i also liked jordis, who had awesome style.)

the tattoos alone can make you swoon at janeh928@yahoo.com

Blind date


So, he was totally hot. Of course, I'm talking about the guy I got set up with in September, who was sort of boring and I didn't really think I was interested in. The same guy who I didn't call back after our first date until this Saturday night (yes, a full 18 days later!). I was bored. And he WAS hot, so I called him back. We went to see the band play, and he liked them, and my friends, and my friends liked him. So the second date was better. Then he invited me to meet his friends at their new house for dinner, and they were nice. So the third date was even better.
ALSO, I found out that the guy who set us up, his friend whose house we went to, told him that I had "an ass that wouldn't quit," when he told him about me. CHEERS!!! I have a lovely bottom! That can only be taken as good news, for sure. (heehee)

get the perfect booty: do yoga and follow it up with a nice piece of cheesecake at janeh928@yahoo.com