Monday, August 29, 2005


My sister, the Sea Hag, diva supreme of the family, went to college for her junior year this week. She's living in an apartment instead of the dorms for the first time and, well, acted like it was the Hilton, or like SHE was a Hilton.
First, there was the fight about her bed--she wanted to bring her entire bed to college: mattress, box spring, head and foot board, canopy, royal bejeweled step stool, etc... but the thing would not fit into our dad's van and still leave room for all her other belongings (AKA, shoes). She realizes this and begins to stomp and pout, saying, "Yeah well this wouldn't have been a problem if you'd just hired a moving van like I wanted you to." Right. And when is your pink convertible arriving, madam? Can I get a sparkling water for the miniature dog you carry around in your Louis Vuitton satchel??
We decided just to take the mattress, like every other college student.
"Whatever," she says. "It's going to look SO tacky."
Then, as everyone else began to pack up the car, my sister decides now is the perfect time to take a shower, because she is hot and sweaty. We ALL are hot and sweaty, and only have an hour until the designated time to leave. Everyone begins arguing with her about taking a shower after she gets done with all the moving and unpacking and heavy lifting, but to no avail... she dashes into the bathroom and spends the next hour primping and preening while all of us continue to load up the van.
She comes out on the porch, perfect hair and makeup, cute outfit, takes a look at all the sweaty, disgruntled faces around her, and says, "Wow, it's all ready? Let's go! I brought out a water for everybody."
Well thanks, Paris. You are just so thoughtful!

because in college, everyone has a butler and a performing chimp at:

Friday, August 26, 2005


Girl on cell: "So, my eye's been doing this weird thing, where all the colors get real bright, then dim out and it's total crap...WHAT?.. No, mom, I am not on pot! Are You?... Whatever."

laughed so hard i shot foam from my nose at

Monday, August 22, 2005

Tale of the Lumberjack...

My roommate is nicknamed "The Lumberjack" in reference to Donna on "That 70's Show" because:
1. she is frr-eakishly tall, just under 6 ft.
2. she is a tomboy--her idea of a good time: running until she's drenched in sweat then tackling the first person she comes across.
3. she has a liking for plaid shirts.

Also, because I am a short, brunette, fashion fiend similar to Jackie, the names just fit.

ANYWAY. Here is the news of the day concerning The Lumberjack:
She is dating a jockey.
Not a real jockey, mind you, just a very, very, VERY small man.
Not small for a guy, small for a person. He is 5'6", which is taller than me, but he weighs in at a hefty 115 lbs.
My brother, at age 15, is much larger than that. HE calls me "stringbean" because I am so much smaller than him, and this guy is smaller than me. You get the idea.
It's ridiculous.
It's hilarious.
He has to climb up her leg to kiss her goodnight.
And, as I was saying before about her love of wrestling, she slings him around like a sack of sugar and generally beats the crap out of him on a regular basis.

can't wait for the wedding at

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Sad day....

I actually LOST my flipflop when it got sucked into a mud puddle in front of Starbucks. How embarrassing! I mean, it totally disappeared into the mire with a whoosh-sucking sound. And it was my favorite sparkly blue pair, with the flowers on the sole. It totally made the carmel macchiato not worth the drive.
Hey, you try driving home with a muddy, bare foot!

Stay tuned. Tonight has been set aside as Last Supper of the Summer for my Fam, before school starts, and my sisters disappear into the blissful abyss of not having to be at home...

at least it wasn't my soul at

Thursday, August 04, 2005

The Giant Salads at Restaurants

Umm...did I miss something??? Aren't salads supposed to be the food for healthy people trying to keep their weight from ballooning through the roof??
My sister and I went to a family restaurant last night, where I ordered a salad.
When our food came out, I was thoroughly confused by the giant serving bowl set at my place, filled to overflowing with so much chicken and fixins' that it was almost impossible to see the mountain of lettuce piled underneath the top layer.
It was certainly the frickin' MT. EVEREST of salads.
I ate about an eighth of it.
Since when did it become normal to offer a person enough food to feed a large family and then seem surprised when 1.) That person does not finish all of said food, and 2.) That person has the absolute gall to ask for a box to take home the rest of said food, which she had paid for???
Just wondering.

We are currently in a nightmare at work, consisting of operating with only half the normal staff. Our most experienced writer, my hippie mentor, challenger to "the man" in all things, quit last Friday. Another writer is on vacation. So two gone, two left to cover the news room. I've written two articles a day for the entire week. I think my brain is falling out!

After work today, I am going to go home, change into my cute pink and grey sweatshirt and shorts, get out the book I've been waiting to read all week, shut the door to my room, burrow under mounds of blankets and pillows and not come out for ANYTHING all evening.

If there is a fire and I die in my room, I don't care. Fires be damned, I want to be left alone for awhile!!

if you need me, you better bring cheesecake at

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

No Doze or Starbucks, anyone???

I spent three hours at a library board meeting last night, listening to people discuss whether a circulation desk needed a strip of decorative formica around the edge, etc..
When do people get to the age when discussions like this actually seem important, or worth three hours of time??? Someone tell me so I can leap in front of a truck before I get there.

ANYway... I now have a lovely bedroom suite given to me by my grandparents after travelling to OH to retrieve it over my vacation. IT IS SO GREAT! I have traded in the twin bed from my 'rents for a king size--which gives me one side, and a whole other side for MIKE THE CAT!!
He loves it, oh, how he loves it. I don't think he's ever getting out of the new bed.

Not that he'll ever have to. The Boyfriend in Florida has officially been eaten by sharks as far as I'm concerned. His toothbrush is in the trash and I'm looking for a replacement. Anyone interested in a girl who can get you into any exciting board meeting you want, has a large pet tiger and creates killer dance moves fueled by a super Starbucks buzz???
I can also carry my own furniture upstairs, so that's gotta be a plus.

boogie, baby, all night long at