Wednesday, February 08, 2006

The weekend

This post is so late because I have been busy, so sorry for the delay. It's good anyway.
On Saturday, I picked up Monk from Z-ville and brought him back for the weekend. Our trip back was great, and dinner with him was great, and I thought, "Holy hopscotch, Batman, I think this whole weekend could go just great!"
I spoke too soon, because soon after, one of his ex-girls, Smokey the Tank Top, showed up. Along with one of my friends--Florida. So, we were all playing Euchre when my friend, Florida, proceeded to fill Monk in on what an Arse-of-the-Most-Large-and-Terrible-Kind he was for ruining our relationship. I slowly began to slide under the table. Monk does NOT like to be told he is an Arse-of-the-Most-Large-and-Terrible-Kind, especially by a girl he doesn't know at all. He was turning purple--but Florida, oblivious to his ire, continued her rant, avenging all woman-kind in my name. It was bad. Monk avoided Florida, and subsequently, Me, the rest of the night, spending time instead, with Smokey. GRRR-eat! Way to go, Florida!
THEN--Smokey left, and I found an automatic-rifle b.b. gun. PERFECT!!!! I shot Monk in the bum until no bb's remained, then sweetly plopped down next to him on the couch. It was a pretty mature move on my part, with no possible backlash in sight, right?!
Somehow, Monk was prepared, and pulled from his pants pocket... a little bag of bb ammo. I quickly grabbed the gun, and a delightful wrestling match ensued.
Delightful, that is, until Florida decided to ONCE AGAIN COME TO MY AID, BECAUSE I OBVIOUSLY NEEDED IT, lept onto Monk, and... Ripped. His. Oldest and Favorite. Pair. of Jeans.
After Florida and Smokey the TankTop finally left--at midnight--things were good again. I apologized for Florida's actions, Monk said he knew I wasn't behind her crazed lunacy, and we spent a good couple hours talking.
Fade to black, cut to next morning.
I made the most amazing, wonderful, perfect breakfast of my life, where every dish turned out lovely and all at the same time, too! Bacon, sausage, french toast, eggs and coffee. MONK WAS IMPRESSED WITH MY BACON-COOKING SKILLS, WHICH HE CONSIDERS AN ART FORM! Take that, Smokey the TankTop, who only knows how to microwave!

read more about what happened later--it gets somuch better at

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

The Candy Bar

(I apologize if this blog entry is more disjointed than usual, I am currently hopped up on Excedrin Migraine and an enormous amount of poor quality chocolate!)

I thought you readers deserved more great dating stories, so I accepted the offer for a second date with the Gangster-Minister, just so I'd have something to write about, and the boy came through with just the most perfectly write-aboutable (yeah, I just made that word up!) experience I could have dreamed of.

Event leading up to date: I got a speeding ticket--$150. Because I was late for the date, of which I didn't really want to go to in the first place. Puts a girl in a lovely mood, let me tell ya.

SO, I was late to said date, and not really into the guy in the first place. I don't even remember what we talked about. That's not really the point of the story.

This is. As we got up to leave the restaurant, he hands me a king-size Hershey's bar with almonds. (I don't like Hershey's AT ALL). It had the following note attached (typed):
Since you are reading this, I must have had a good time on our second date. Otherwise, I would be eating this myself.
I want you to think of me when you eat this candy bar. It is BIG- because I want you to think of me A LOT.
Hope to see you again soon!

Aargh!!!! There are so many thing s wrong with that!!!!
1.) Bad candy selection--can we say, "Oh, I thought you'd definitely be worth 40 cents in wax!"
2.)He had put a lot of thought into that lame note. (Did I mention it was typed?) Come on!
3.) "Otherwise I would be eating this myself." WHAT???? I had to pass some kind of test in order to get the prize? I don't even want to finish this rant, let's just say I was offended.
4.) It is BIG--oh, please God, please let him be talking about ONLY chocolate in this statement!
5.) I want you to think of me A LOT? Is this a command to fall in love with him? Is he going to take me for a long walk off a short pier to "go fishing" if I don't think of him a lot? WHAT THE HELL?
6.) He will NOT be seeing me again soon. I should make him pay for the speeding ticket.

This morning I fed the chocolate to the guys in our sports department and didn't think about him at all!! HAha!

he could have at least sprung for some godiva! at