Wednesday, June 18, 2008

The Highway is NOT a Mosh Pit...

Contrary to popular belief. And therefore, if you are driving a crappy, rusted out white car with a big pizza delivery light on top of it, you should be paying attention to certain things. Like, the road in front of you, perhaps.

And not, I might submit, to the pizzas residing in your passenger seat. If you are driving badly enough that they may escape from their perch and land on the floor, maybe you need to think about a new career. One that involves not moving objects, such as a stamp-licker for a very rich old woman, perhaps. Or maybe you could fold shirts at Abercrombie and Fitch--that seems harmless to the general population. Yes, go with the A&F job--you will only be endangering the lives of snobby teens who get their heads stuck while trying on t00-small tee shirts, and to them, I say--Darwin was right.

Anyhow--as I was sitting *NOT MOVING* in the left-hand turn lane, (I repeat, the LEFT HAND TURN LANE!!!!!) I noticed that the pizza delivery vehicle behind me was coming towards the Millenium Falcon at an alarming rate of speed, and that its captain was not merging over into the "drive forward and avoid hitting stopped vehicles lane". As he got closer, I then noticed he was not looking through his windshield as a normal person might, but instead had his attention raptly focused on the seat next to him. There was nowhere for me to go, and... he hit me...HARD.

I sat there for a moment, collecting my thoughts, taking a mental inventory of body parts. Okay, so I was alright. Nothing bruised or broken. And the kid who hit me was dancing around in the street, looking like a freaked out kindergartener who couldn't find the bathroom. So he seemed to be fine.

Now, sadly, this has happened to me before, this being hit while NOT MOVING phenomenon. Twice in fact. So, I knew that this was not going to affect me financially at all.
But, oh, my car looked so sad when I got out to inspect the damage!

The back fender resembled an empty banana peel. My trunk was open, flapping in the wind. I tried to close it--it didn't line up with the base. That was because of the big crinkle in the actual frame of the car, up next to the rear windshield. Big white streaks of paint tattooed the side panel. The exhaust pipe looked oddly crushed and dangly.

"You do have your insurance card with you?" I asked the kid who got out of the pizza car.

"Yes," he said. "Please forgive me," he said.

Silence on my part.

"Wow," he said. "I've been a pizza delivery boy for a year now, and there have been a lot of close calls, but I've never actually hit anybody. God has protected me. Do you believe in Jesus?"

Okay, now at this point, I was furious. Not necessarily that the idiot was trying to witness to me, any other circumstances and I would have politely told him, yes, I do, thank you.
But, come on!!! You bash into the back of somebody's inert vehicle, and then try to present them with the "Good News"-- poor timing buddy. If I didn't believe in God, this would be the worst possible time to try and convince me otherwise. Seriously. He was just lucky I grew up a minister's daughter and resisted the impulse to haul back and punch his lights out.

Instead, I moved about 20 feet away and waited to talk to the police, and waited for the Scotsman to show up.

He called the pizza place, and his boss told him to remove the pizza sign from the top of his vehicle. He looked very forlorn, sitting on the side of the road, trying to make friends with the girl whose immediate future he just seriously complicated, and holding his plastic light-up pizza sign. I don't believe he knew that usually, drivers of pizza delivery vehicles don't get second chances when it comes to accidents, and that he was probably effectively unemployed at that very moment. It was almost sad.

Except for the fact that I watched him bash into me before he ever looked up to see what could be in front of him. What if I had had a child in my vehicle? Or what if I hadn't looked up to see him coming and not prepared to be hit--I could have been seriously hurt. AND, he pushed my car slightly into oncoming traffic--I could have slid much further.

So, no, in the end, I am not sorry for Pizza Boy, and that's final.

Updates to come later on what the prognosis is for the poor Millenium Falcon.

smash, smash! at


Blogger The Lumberjack said...

How is the Millenium (I can never spell that word) Falcon? By the way it was SO FUN this weekend!! I'm so glad I got to see you & Sam & your sisters & all the crazy friends!!! I had such a good time. I LOVE your house! I just want to sit out back all day grilling & doing nothing. So great. You had a hundred people from several states. And lots of places for people to sleep... truly such a good time. Will see you again soon!

10:12 PM  
Blogger kittybrunette said...

Update on the accident:
The Millenium Falcon lives on, zippy as ever, though beat up even more. Poor thing, why won't you DIE?!

The Papa John's boy works at Pizza Hut now, I kid you not! We saw him driving around this Sunday. Free to "wreck" havoc again!

1:05 PM  

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