Thursday, January 26, 2006

The First Date:

This guy was a friend way back in the day--one of my old time friends. NOT ANYMORE. He is arrogant. He talks about himself too much. HE STARED AT MY RACK WHILE I TALKED. He won't stop calling me.
That's right. He won't. I got 7 messages on my phone from him yesterday. I have officially had enough.
I can't win. Monk never called me. He always forgot I existed. This guy can't leave well enough alone. I don't need to be updated when he gets up in the morning, or when he goes to lunch at work, or when he goes to the bathroom at home in the evening. We're talking WAY too much communication here. WAY. TOO. MUCH.
At least when he calls he can't talk to the twins!

The Second Date:
Actual word usage: ICEBOX. (I kid you not.)
It gets worse.
More actual word usage: Lousy. (As in, "It was just a lousy deal, pal. Now hold my tommy-gun so I can break out in a snap-finger shuffle-0ff-to-buffalo with my gang!")
My response: "Where did you learn to talk? 1930's in the Bronx?"
Him: "Well, I lived with my grandparents for a lot of my childhood, and now I'm a pastor with an older congregation. Why, what did I say?"
Hmmmm....I don't know...does "This dip in the icebox sure is lousy Mary," sound at all familiar?
(Plus... his teeth were majorly stained from smoking. Pipe smoking. I kid you not! His teeth were the same color as the wooden table we sat at!)

It must be nice in Vermont this time of year...all that snow! at

Tuesday, January 24, 2006


I HATE DATING!!! I went on two dates this weekend, and while they were interesting and not too bad, they just weren't that fun either. More like, STRESSFUL.
I don't like having to talk to people about all that stuff you already know about yourself, but have to let other people know in order to get to know them. It's just so repetitive and stupid.
I wish I had an old friend to fall in love with.
I just kept thinking that the whole day was a waste of my time.
Let's just say, there were no immediate sparks and both boys seem more interested in me than I am in them.
Go figure.
Maybe I'll just marry Santino, though I doubt he's into that. I just think he could design me an entire wardrobe of overly-designed, orientally-inspired, majorly trimmed and bedazzled clothing and I'd be happy for the rest of my life! heehee!!

If you call me one more time, I won't be held responsible for the attack cat at

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Project Runway!

Oh yay! I love Project Runway!
Oh yay! I love that it's so gay!
So, so gay, so perfectly, deliciously gay!
I do love Project Runway!
(sing this loudly, while drinking sparkling wine and wallowing in your sweatpants!)

if you love santino, raise your hand. he can have my soul anyday at

Wednesday, January 18, 2006


I was supposed to meet the ex-boyfriend (he will now be referred to as "Monk" because of his obsessive-compulsive tendencies.) for dinner at 7 last night in z-ville. BUT I didn't get out of work until 7:30 and still had the 45 min. drive to z-ville. As I was driving, speeding, zipping over the highway, I kept thinking, "wow, he hasn't called to find out where I am or why I'm late. Has he forgotten, or chickened out, or died (hope, hope ;0)?" I had left my cellphone at work, like an idiot.
BUT... it gets worse. I finally arrive at Monk's new apartment in z-ville, and realize I only know his roommate's first name AND have no idea what their apartment number is. So, I go to grab my cellphone...and...IT'S NOT THERE!!! I am such a blonde, without the hair and the manly attention to make up for it!
So, this is what I did--I went up to a woman's apartment, knocked on her door and asked, "Do you know if there's a guy named Nate who lives in your building and has a new roommate named MONK?" NO? oh, okay, well, can I use your phone?? gets worse. I don't know Monk's number, because he programmed it into my cell immediately after we were introduced, so all I've ever had to do to get ahold of him is hit "2" and send. Very convenient. Until you need to use a real phone. I asked for a phone book, called up his office, and talked to a girl who works for him. That went like this:
Me: Hi. I am supposed to meet your boss, MONK, for dinner, and I can't find my phone, and therefore, don't know his number. I'm here, 45 minutes from home, at his apartment complex, and I don't know which one is his.
And she's all like: "Is this Jane?"
(So, the reputation precedes me!)
And I say: "Yes, he's going to be so mad, he's always on top of things and responsible and would never do anything like this. EVER."
And she says: "It's okay, honey, opposites attract."
I just about died, it was so hilarious. I was also an hour and a half late after all that.

we finally found each other, and he took me to red lobster at

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Also, check out my Lumberjack's blog, on blogger.
She might update it eventually.

a shout out from jackie at
The Lumberjack Moved to West Virginia

...and apparently they have no phones there.

I haven't heard from my best friend in 5 days. She is gone, and so happy in her new flannel-loving existance, she forgot all about me.
These are the reasons I told her not to go:
1. Extremely vile poisonous snakes. Unusually sneaky, probably with ulterior motives.
2. Men without teeth--which turned out, unfortunately, to be a selling point for her. Don't ask!
3. Lack of convenient food for people like her--the non-cooking kind of people.
4. The possiblity that she'll meet another Lumberjack and create more little-lumberjacks. Sc-ar-y.

These are the reasons she decided to go anyway:
1. mountains.
2. flannel shirts.
3. men without teeth. (I told you)
4. The possibility that she'll meet another Lumberjack and create more little-lumberjacks.

Once again, I must say it. Sc-ar-y.
A general warning to the people of West Virginia. She's tall.

p.s. Lumberjack: If you're reading this. "Loves!"

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

If you thought Christmas was Bad, Try New Year's

The Boyfriend cheated on me, then blatantly lied about it. I found out on Jan. 1. We haven't talked about it yet,because he refuses to answer his phone. I'm breaking up with him and he doesn't want to face it. Not very happy right now, partly because I am so hurt by his actions and partly because it is very difficult to break up with someone when you're still in love with him in order to stand up for yourself and make a point that cheating is unacceptable; when all you want to do is go back in time and make it never happen so you can be happy again. Also I am very worried, because according to the people who have known him best, he is not the cheating kind of person. He has a solid reputation as someone you could trust, someone with decency and ethics, a general man of his word. THey all thought so, and have known him for 15 years. I believed that of him--it was one of the reasons I started dating him seriously. I think there must be something going on with him to act this way that really has nothing to do with our relationship. Things are generally not good all around.

i swirled his toothbrush in the toilet at