Wednesday, February 01, 2006

The Candy Bar

(I apologize if this blog entry is more disjointed than usual, I am currently hopped up on Excedrin Migraine and an enormous amount of poor quality chocolate!)

I thought you readers deserved more great dating stories, so I accepted the offer for a second date with the Gangster-Minister, just so I'd have something to write about, and the boy came through with just the most perfectly write-aboutable (yeah, I just made that word up!) experience I could have dreamed of.

Event leading up to date: I got a speeding ticket--$150. Because I was late for the date, of which I didn't really want to go to in the first place. Puts a girl in a lovely mood, let me tell ya.

SO, I was late to said date, and not really into the guy in the first place. I don't even remember what we talked about. That's not really the point of the story.

This is. As we got up to leave the restaurant, he hands me a king-size Hershey's bar with almonds. (I don't like Hershey's AT ALL). It had the following note attached (typed):
Since you are reading this, I must have had a good time on our second date. Otherwise, I would be eating this myself.
I want you to think of me when you eat this candy bar. It is BIG- because I want you to think of me A LOT.
Hope to see you again soon!

Aargh!!!! There are so many thing s wrong with that!!!!
1.) Bad candy selection--can we say, "Oh, I thought you'd definitely be worth 40 cents in wax!"
2.)He had put a lot of thought into that lame note. (Did I mention it was typed?) Come on!
3.) "Otherwise I would be eating this myself." WHAT???? I had to pass some kind of test in order to get the prize? I don't even want to finish this rant, let's just say I was offended.
4.) It is BIG--oh, please God, please let him be talking about ONLY chocolate in this statement!
5.) I want you to think of me A LOT? Is this a command to fall in love with him? Is he going to take me for a long walk off a short pier to "go fishing" if I don't think of him a lot? WHAT THE HELL?
6.) He will NOT be seeing me again soon. I should make him pay for the speeding ticket.

This morning I fed the chocolate to the guys in our sports department and didn't think about him at all!! HAha!

he could have at least sprung for some godiva! at


Blogger The Lumberjack said...

Miss Kitty,

Wow. That's all I can say.

There are no words to describe, though I can assure you I laughed A LOT over THE BIG situation. (Speaking of Big, you should write for Sex & the City. They would love you. The funniest things are the situations that actually happen in real life, because who could dream this stuff up?!!)

I think you should send him back an equally disgusting candy bar, with a note offering him your undying love & devotion.

And, yes, he should pay for the ticket!

Ha, Ha, Ha... Women of the World UNITE against men that are not worth our time!!!


11:01 AM  

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