Wednesday, February 01, 2006

The Candy Bar

(I apologize if this blog entry is more disjointed than usual, I am currently hopped up on Excedrin Migraine and an enormous amount of poor quality chocolate!)

I thought you readers deserved more great dating stories, so I accepted the offer for a second date with the Gangster-Minister, just so I'd have something to write about, and the boy came through with just the most perfectly write-aboutable (yeah, I just made that word up!) experience I could have dreamed of.

Event leading up to date: I got a speeding ticket--$150. Because I was late for the date, of which I didn't really want to go to in the first place. Puts a girl in a lovely mood, let me tell ya.

SO, I was late to said date, and not really into the guy in the first place. I don't even remember what we talked about. That's not really the point of the story.

This is. As we got up to leave the restaurant, he hands me a king-size Hershey's bar with almonds. (I don't like Hershey's AT ALL). It had the following note attached (typed):
Jane--
Since you are reading this, I must have had a good time on our second date. Otherwise, I would be eating this myself.
I want you to think of me when you eat this candy bar. It is BIG- because I want you to think of me A LOT.
Hope to see you again soon!

Aargh!!!! There are so many thing s wrong with that!!!!
1.) Bad candy selection--can we say, "Oh, I thought you'd definitely be worth 40 cents in wax!"
2.)He had put a lot of thought into that lame note. (Did I mention it was typed?) Come on!
3.) "Otherwise I would be eating this myself." WHAT???? I had to pass some kind of test in order to get the prize? I don't even want to finish this rant, let's just say I was offended.
3b.) YOU SHOULD HAVE KEPT THE DAMN CHOCOLATE BAR!
3c.) AND SHOVED IT SOMEWHERE UNPLEASANT!
4.) It is BIG--oh, please God, please let him be talking about ONLY chocolate in this statement!
5.) I want you to think of me A LOT? Is this a command to fall in love with him? Is he going to take me for a long walk off a short pier to "go fishing" if I don't think of him a lot? WHAT THE HELL?
6.) He will NOT be seeing me again soon. I should make him pay for the speeding ticket.

This morning I fed the chocolate to the guys in our sports department and didn't think about him at all!! HAha!

he could have at least sprung for some godiva! at janeh928@yahoo.com

1 Comments:

Blogger The Lumberjack said...

Miss Kitty,

Wow. That's all I can say.

There are no words to describe, though I can assure you I laughed A LOT over THE BIG situation. (Speaking of Big, you should write for Sex & the City. They would love you. The funniest things are the situations that actually happen in real life, because who could dream this stuff up?!!)

I think you should send him back an equally disgusting candy bar, with a note offering him your undying love & devotion.

And, yes, he should pay for the ticket!

Ha, Ha, Ha... Women of the World UNITE against men that are not worth our time!!!

luvs!

11:01 AM  

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