Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Bad Church Music (BCM)

An Entry Inspired by the Good Woman who Writes "Blonde Champagne"
(God, let us pray, hear our prayer, BLESS Mary Beth Ellis!)

Apparently the Catholic church suffers from the same affliction as my dear Quakers do, and that, my friends, is Bad Church Music.

These are the songs that haunt you in the night, when you cannot sleep.
Those with verses so absurd, you very nearly have died from being unable to breathe while stiffling laughter during their performance every time they are played.
The ones performed so enthusiastically and terribly, you still hear the screechy strains reverb-ing through your consciousness in quiet moments.
The just-plain-stupid ones.
You KNOW what I'm talking about.

There's one Easter hymn that will forever live on in the Hall of Silly Fame for my sisters and me.
It goes like this:
"Up from the grave He arose!!
With a mighty power o'er His foes!!"

My sisters and I, sitting in the front row as the ministers' daughters, were very creative even at that young age, often coming up with alternative versions of the very BCM. One Easter, The Song was listed in the program.
(Now, mind you, Easter service is important. Your congregation doubles with all the visitors who show up.)
My sisters and I had the audience, the inspiration and the perfect opportunity.
We sang:
"Up from the GRAVE HE AROSE!!!!

We still can't hear that song without quietly changing the words, then giggling hysterically. Usually having to excuse ourselves to laugh in the foyer rather than destroying the service!
(I'm at my desk, giggling with myself right now, while I type. That image of Jesus, shooting from his grave Mighty Mouse-style, propelled by muscles in his mighty wriggling toes. HILARIOUS!)

Other great moments:
My father, holding up our newborn baby brother, is barfed upon during the chorus of "Showers of Blessing".

The Crazy Turkey Lady, who sings with great gusto, every Christmas Eve, "Oh Holy Night"
The words: "Ohhhhhh niiiii-ght, di-VIIIIIIIINE" ring on this very day.

When my sisters realised the song "He touched me," sounded pretty creepy all of a sudden.

Special musical guests our church actually lived through: The 40-year old daughter of our organist, playing her Accordian. (Words from my father after a particularly appalling performance, "Oh, well, Beverly. That accordian...how many buttons does that really have?") AND The-Man-Who-Played-A-Handsaw. (AWFUL!!!!!)

Read also: www.blondechampagne.blogspot.com, MB's entry today is about BCM.

Jesus loves the little kitties, all the kitties of the world at janeh928@yahoo.com


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