Monday, April 10, 2006

The "Feminine Aisle"

(men who are usually grossed out by these kinds of stories might want to turn away, but I guarantee, this will be worth any discomfort on the subject matter, because the story is pretty hilarious.)

SO, the Scotsman, my new growly-bear boyfriend who lives two hours away, and I got to spend the weekend together, which was TONS OF FUN. (I learned how to be an archer, more on that tomorrow)

Since I live so far away, I have to stay at the ManCave when I visit the Scotsman. It is a wonderful place, and I love it very much, full of old ship models and Celtic weaponry and manly decorations of that kind. He has a lovely fireplace that fills the place with a woodsy smell, and a patio that looks straight out of Lord of the Rings. I am the happiest girl in the world to have found this place.

But, I have to spend the night with him, and that led to the Most-Embarassing-Experience-Ever that happened this Friday, shortly after I arrived at the ManCave.

I had been "not feeling so good" all day, but just HAD to see him, so I went anyway. We went to dinner and I felt even worse. My tum hurt quite badly and I had quite the headache.
Later on, around 2 a.m., he rolled over in bed and I almost threw up. It was NOT PLEASANT, but I fell back asleep.
At 4 a.m., he woke up at the same time I did, and we both didn't feel so great. He said he ate too much, but wondered if we had food poisoning since I wasn't feeling great either.
I decided to go to the bathroom at that point, and...
FOUND MYSELF COVERED IN BLOOD. Great, just great, I said to myself. Who knew I was going to start my period? Tonight of all nights.
I was just sure I had ruined his bed. ( I didn't, there was only a little bit, and amazingly, he wasn't mad.)
SO, I call the Scotsman and fill him in on the situation, very quietly, as I was terrifically mortified, and told him I needed to go to the drugstore. He said he would go with me.
We went to the store and got the necessary supplies.
We then headed back to the ManCave, not two blocks away.
Turning into his parking lot, we were accosted by flashing red and blue lights in his rearview mirror.
4:30 in the morning on an emergency feminine hygeine products run, and we get PULLED OVER!
oh, i felt so BAD. so horrible. so sure i had just ruined any chances i ever had with the Scotsman.
But he started dying laughing.
And so did the officer when he found out what was going on.
The Scotsman, flashlight in his eyes, holds up my purchases, "Sorry officer, we had an emergency and had to go to the drugstore."
(we got pulled over for an illegal right-turn on red, the officer thought we may be drunk, considering the time of Friday night it was.)
The officer laughed all the way back to his car.

He's probably still laughing, and so is the Scotsman at


Blogger The Lumberjack said...


wow. you will both remember that for a long time. don't you love being a woman?!! that officer will probably laugh for a long time. that's like one of those horror stories that you send in to Seventeen. that would be the story that gets 5 stars & is picked as the best/ultimate humiliation of the month.

it's good to laugh at life.


6:17 PM  
Blogger kittybrunette said...

You HAVE to meet the Scotsman, also known as the Bear. He is a man version of you. Which is probably why I love him so much, haha. He even wore a flannel shirt the other night when he grilled me steaks and shrimp over peat moss from Ireland.

2:10 PM  
Blogger The Lumberjack said...

A man version of me... I guess that's the highest compliment I can get, right?

7:04 AM  

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